Help Me!!

So, I haven't written in a while. I've been kinda busy for a while. What with school starting and all the obligations I know have as a sophmore. Not only do I feel like I'm being pulled in many different ways, but I also have to worry about my excessive homework. I don't know why anymore but I'm just not as happy. I can't really put a finger on it, but I think it's just 'cause I dont have something that's mine- a place to fit in. I want something that I can do that makes me happy and is also good in someway for more than just myself. Maybe a charity. Hmm...I don't know if that'e the way to go. But I do want something. I am just overwhelmed with this feeling of sadness and I feel like there is this dark cloud- like on the Soy Joy commercials- following me around everywhere. I really hope that this is a phase that I'm going through because I'm a teenage girl or whatever, but it's like when you go into a tunnel and can't see the end- you question if its even there.
Every since I started going back to school on a regular basis I have been wondering where I fit. I know that it is natural for all teenagers to feel this way, but when it's you, its different. I realize that all my siblings are so nice and they're all so beautiful or handsome depending on who it is, and I feel like the ugly duckling of the family. Not that it matters what they look, but it seems that people except you more when your pretty. Wow, can I get off on a tangent or what.
It's just that high school is really hard when you don't have as many friends as you wish you did. I have friends, but most of my friends are really close friends. I just don't understand why people don't seem to like me. I do think that I figured it out yesterday during a debate in Biology class. I believe it's because I stick up for my beliefs and don't let anyone tell me any different. People don't always like it when someone argues against them. I know that's true for me. When someone opposes me, I do tend to get offensive. Oh, well this is my little rant.
I don't know who reads this. Hopefully you can look back on your teenage years and possibly understand me. If you don't I understand 'cause I would be shocked if you could.

I'm Gonna Live!!

Today I went to the doctor for a check-up. I got two shots and the flu vaccine. Oh, I hate shots so much! I cannot stand needles. They are one of my biggest fears. Even the finger prick hurts. I especially hate when they tell you it won't hurt and then it does a lot. The shot I got today in my left arm hurts so bad. I could barely move it. Oh, well. the doctor also got to look at the results of my EKG and he told me that it was normal and that I was cleared to play sports. YES!! I have no idea why that took so long. After I got home I went to sleep. I was tired from being at the doctor so early in the morning. When I woke up I had to go to school for marching band, again. I was supposed to be there from 4-8. I got there 15 minutes early so I could run down to Mrs. A the athletic trainer. When I got to the training room Coach Ball was there. I showed her the note from the doctor and I was so glad that I got that over with and now there was nothing to stand in my way from making the team. Since the pit is not marching this year we didn't have to do much after practicing for a while cause we don't need to learn the formations. So I got to get out of there an hour early. If I don't make the volleyball team I will be crushed. It will also stink that I have to stick with marching band.

Marching Band

This year I was begged to do marching band by the new band teacher. After a little while I told her yes. Two weeks ago I had to go to this thing called Music Week. It is a week dedicated to learning the music that we will be playing. I didn't really have that much fun and I wanted to quit even before the first day. I learned parts of the music and not the whole thing. I felt really stupid. Then, this week I had the marching camp part. I mostly get to stay inside but I really haven't been there that much cause I have other stuff like volleyball, the peer mentor party, and then tonight I got and EKG which made me an hour an 15 minutes late. Its really sad, though cause I absolutely love music and I love to play and I love to learn the actual music. I just hate the whole marching band experience. I don't really have any friends and I feel so alone. Especially when I can't learn something as fast. But its because i haven't had any music class at all since 8th grade. Oh, well. This is why I need to make the volleyball team. So, I have a reason to quit marching band.

Volleyball

So, again i could not do anything cause I had to get an EKG before I could get signed off by my doctor. There I was for the third day of try-outs sitting out on the side like a loser. Before the try-outs had started, though, I talked to the coach and the athletic trainer. The coach told me that since I was going to be going to the doctor tomorrow that I would be allowed to come back on Monday and Tuesday when the actual team is practicing and I could use those two days to count as my try-out since I wasn't able to this week. That is really nice of Coach Ball to let me have a chance. I hope that I make it, but I am scared I won't be good enough. It will also be more pressure I think cause I will be with the team. Some of them are returning members. YIKES!! I'm gonna do a lot of training this weekend!

A Quick Up-Date

So today was the second day of try-outs and again I did not have my physical form. I have got to be one of the biggest losers. I sat on the side of the gym again for the whole 2 hours. The whole time I felt so stupid. In my head I was just thinking about how I should have never tried out in the first place. I was thinking about how my life stinks and I never really get anything good. Or at least it feels that way. Then, I thought about a lesson that was taught in church about a month ago. The man who was teaching the lesson was saying something about how when bad things happen to them they always ask God why that was happening or they would say why me. I realized that I was saying exactly that. I was feeling exactly that. I thought of how bad my situation was and realized it could be a lot worse and I needed to stop being so selfish. Life is too short to let the little things pull you down. If I let the fact that I couldn't try-out hold me back from ever trying then there was no point to anything. Everybody has times when they are restricted to the side lines but they wait through it then get back out on the court and spike the volleyball. (Yes, I know that was very cheesy, you get the point.) That is my lesson learned for the day.

And in case you were wondering I made it past the first cut. Even though I didn't do anything.

Volleyball Try-outs This Week!!

This week we have volleyball try-outs at our school. I'm taking a chance and trying to try-out. Today was the first day. I couldn't do anything because I didn't have my physical forms. I watched everyone else try-out and I felt like such a loser. Luckily the coach told me that I could come back tomorrow. That is a big relief. I hope I make the team partly so I have a reason not to do marching band cause I really don't want to do it anymore. Its just not fun to me and I am so not a band geek. I don't really have that many friends in marching band and I feel all alone. I really hope I make the volleyball team just so i won't have to do marching band.

Looking Back and Looking Forward!

Last week I learned a lot about myself and some very special kids. Yes, I know that they're only a year younger but they seem so much younger when you're in charge. It helps when you have the blue shirt and they have the white ones. I had a lot of fun helping the kids find their way around the school and getting to know them. I think I had the best group! I didn't have a group in the afternoon so I didn't really have a second one to compare it to but everyone seemed not to like their morning group and I LOVED mine! I guess I just got lucky!
This week I am really busy! I have volleyball try-outs on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. On top of that I have band camp. My summer is so over! I do like having something to do I just wish I was getting paid, not in marching band, and try-outs were over so I wasn't so nervous. Never-the-less that is what it is and I'm excited to go try-out tomorrow just so I can know whether or not I made the team.

Busy, Busy Me!

This week I am doing this thing called camp totem at my school. I am volunteering as a peer mentor. For the week incoming freshman will come and learn their way around and have lots of fun while also helping the school with lots of service projects. Yesterday was the first day. I got to meet my group or tribe of kids. There is one boy and 5 girls. I am really glad to have gotten the group I did cause they're really nice and fun. And the guy is not one of the guys who is too good to listen or too good too help, he actually participates. So do most of the girls except one. But, she's not coming back anyways. She didn't want to be there.
Yesterday we met our tribes and got to know each other. Then we went and made totem poles. After that we went around to different classes and had different sessions where we did different things like making mouse pads. Once we were done with all our sessions we went into the gym to do team building activities. We had to make marshmallow towers, but the peer mentors weren't allowed to help. I felt useless.
Today we worked on service projects. My grouped helped with painting benches for art in the courtyard and then we went on to help load old desks into a truck. My group was heavily praised by the art teachers. They couldn't believe how well our kids were cooperating. Honestly, I couldn't either. At least in comparison to some other groups. After we finally finished the service projects we went into the gym to do more team building activities. My team won! I was so proud especially considering we came in last the day before. We ended up winning for the whole day. I was so excited! I can't wait to go back tomorrow and hang out with my group, learn more stuff, earn more points, and just have fun!!

Work, Work, Work!!!!

So this week I was at band camp from 9-12. Then from Wednesday to Friday I also had choir camp on top of that so i was at school from 9-5. Yeah, I know. No one should be at school that long during the summer. I didn't learn as much as I thought I would or even should have but it's ok cause I go back the week after next. The first day I felt so out of place cause I am so not a band geek. Actually I felt out of place the whole week. I only joined so that I could have a chance to play an instrument that I love cause I cant play anywhere else. But, its really not that fun. I want to quit! But, I'm not a quitter and I made a commitment and I'm sticking to it. I was so tired everyday. It was crazy! Next week I have to go back to school again for this thing called camp totem. It's an all week thing where incoming freshman can go to learn their way around the school before school starts so they can find their classes easier and things like that. I will be there every day from 8-5:00. I'm glad I get to do something that helps people and its good that I can do some volunteering. It's good for the soul. We're gonna be doing a lot of service projects around the school to that will help the school out a lot. Our school is doing a whole make over. We are having almost 100 adults coming to clean up and help beautify everything. The administrators and some of the staff will be there, too. I'm glad cause our school needs some work. Actually a lot!

Time to Mature

With all this relationship stuff going on in my life it makes me realize a few things about myself. I am just a teenager I have so much growing up left to do. I try to act older sometimes and I try to act mature when really I'm still a child whether or not I like it. And you know what. I am glad that I have this time to learn and make the mistakes I need to so that when I'm older I will have already figured these things out and know not to make those mistakes again. With my post, Drama in The Life of a Teenage Girl I think I could've worded things a little better. And I could have been a lot nicer. I realized that some things that I said came off a little mean. I wrote that in the moment while under the influence. No, not of drugs. The influence of my best friend. Sometimes we might go a little far and I know now that I should not have called him crazy or obsessive or clingy. He really is a great guy. He didn't have any former experience so he didn't know how to act. Not that I did. I was in the same boat. I was still figuring things out. All in all I just learned that life goes on. The whole process of life is about learning and growing. We're all aiming towards perfection and I know I am not there or even close. Like I said, I have a lot of growing up to do. But then again, who doesn't?

One Person's Trash Is Another's Treasure

Today my sister, my best friend, and I went to the Goodwill. We had a great time. We looked at really old fashion stuff that is definitely out of style for a reason. We even tried on some of the most hilarious dresses ever. I'm glad that I can have such a great time with my friends while I'm doing something so simple as trying on really ugly clothes. Well, not all of them cause I actually bought some of the stuff I tried on. This gorgeous skirt for church, this knee length jean skirt, and a really cute v-neck shirt. I saw these really cute jackets that were totally the style I want but they were either to small or so big they made me look like a whale. Oh, well. I'm extremely happy with the things I got and I'm glad I had such a great time with my sister and my best buddie.

Drama in the Life of a Teenage Girl

So, I met this guy at church and I thought he was really cool and sweet and down to earth. Turns out I was wrong. Not that he wasn't a nice guy or anything he just isn't the guy for me. I went into this with the plan of having fun and getting to know each other. It seemed liked he was ready for us to be married. He told me he loved me before we were even a couple. He turned out to be a little crazy, too. He was very obsessive and clingy. When I told him that I thought we should just be friends he started making up these things and tried to blame us not working out on me. He said he was clingy because I was started to pull away from him. And he said that happened within the first week, which was crazy. Oh, well. My friend was over last night and we stayed up late. He called me at 3:00 in the morning and told me he couldn't go to sleep until he apologized for everything he said. He had made it up just to hurt me. It didn't matter to me 'cause I was already over it. This morning when I checked my e-mail he had sent me 2. He was practically begging me to reconsider. That is not the way to go about things. Anyways its over now and there are NO plans for us to get back together on my side. I hope this doesn't seem mean. It may come off that way but this guy is really not for me. I would love to remain his friend, though. But nothin' more.

Service. Does The Heart Good.

Tonight we had an activity for church. We were supposed to do a service project in order to go to this thing called Youth Conference. We decided to make care packages for 2 little kids that were at the hospital. We were putting the baskets together and I was thinking about how the kids would feel when they got them. And that made me feel good inside. I know that if I had to be in the hospital I would LOVE to get a nice little care package. It kinda warmed my heart a little to think that there actually might be people that would do that for someone. We didn't even know the kids and we just gave them gifts. It just makes me feel like there might actually be some good left in this world. Yippee!

Movies, Movies, and more Movies

So today I went to the movie theater with my brother and sisters. We saw the movie Hancock. It was great. My younger sister went with us and I was scared she wouldn't like it. (There's some violence and blood, etc.) But overall it was really funny and I actually liked the story line. At first I didn't think that they could go anywhere with it but it was cute. There was some cussing which I really HATE but it was good otherwise. And if I could I would go see it again soon!!! I love movies. I have an obsession, but I actually don't see a lot. I just want to see them. My favorite place to go see movies is the drive-in. It's such a good family atmosphere and its way more casual than a theater. You can talk during the movies but at the same time it's still a movie so you shouldn't talk that much. We went last weekend and saw Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. It was great! I've seen all the Indiana Jones movies. There so thrilling and I love the adventure. And the new one has Shia LaBeouf- yummy. Also, Harrison Ford is in his 60's and still looks better than most 30 or 40 year olds. (He has a better body, too!! :-)

What Ya Gonna Do?

Today was another one of those boring days of summer. It kinda makes me want school, but at the same time once I get there I will want this time back. I do not want to go back to school at all but I do wish I had something to do now. Well there's always blogging.

I Got Bored

Hi Everybody,
I know a lot of people who have blogs and I have wanted one for a while. I know I don't really need one but oh well. I think it will be fun and maybe my family could start a family blog. I'm just super duper excited to have one of my own because I don't believe in myspace but facebook looks okay so if this doesn't work out I'll just get a facebook.
Bye