Help Me!!

So, I haven't written in a while. I've been kinda busy for a while. What with school starting and all the obligations I know have as a sophmore. Not only do I feel like I'm being pulled in many different ways, but I also have to worry about my excessive homework. I don't know why anymore but I'm just not as happy. I can't really put a finger on it, but I think it's just 'cause I dont have something that's mine- a place to fit in. I want something that I can do that makes me happy and is also good in someway for more than just myself. Maybe a charity. Hmm...I don't know if that'e the way to go. But I do want something. I am just overwhelmed with this feeling of sadness and I feel like there is this dark cloud- like on the Soy Joy commercials- following me around everywhere. I really hope that this is a phase that I'm going through because I'm a teenage girl or whatever, but it's like when you go into a tunnel and can't see the end- you question if its even there.
Every since I started going back to school on a regular basis I have been wondering where I fit. I know that it is natural for all teenagers to feel this way, but when it's you, its different. I realize that all my siblings are so nice and they're all so beautiful or handsome depending on who it is, and I feel like the ugly duckling of the family. Not that it matters what they look, but it seems that people except you more when your pretty. Wow, can I get off on a tangent or what.
It's just that high school is really hard when you don't have as many friends as you wish you did. I have friends, but most of my friends are really close friends. I just don't understand why people don't seem to like me. I do think that I figured it out yesterday during a debate in Biology class. I believe it's because I stick up for my beliefs and don't let anyone tell me any different. People don't always like it when someone argues against them. I know that's true for me. When someone opposes me, I do tend to get offensive. Oh, well this is my little rant.
I don't know who reads this. Hopefully you can look back on your teenage years and possibly understand me. If you don't I understand 'cause I would be shocked if you could.

I'm Gonna Live!!

Today I went to the doctor for a check-up. I got two shots and the flu vaccine. Oh, I hate shots so much! I cannot stand needles. They are one of my biggest fears. Even the finger prick hurts. I especially hate when they tell you it won't hurt and then it does a lot. The shot I got today in my left arm hurts so bad. I could barely move it. Oh, well. the doctor also got to look at the results of my EKG and he told me that it was normal and that I was cleared to play sports. YES!! I have no idea why that took so long. After I got home I went to sleep. I was tired from being at the doctor so early in the morning. When I woke up I had to go to school for marching band, again. I was supposed to be there from 4-8. I got there 15 minutes early so I could run down to Mrs. A the athletic trainer. When I got to the training room Coach Ball was there. I showed her the note from the doctor and I was so glad that I got that over with and now there was nothing to stand in my way from making the team. Since the pit is not marching this year we didn't have to do much after practicing for a while cause we don't need to learn the formations. So I got to get out of there an hour early. If I don't make the volleyball team I will be crushed. It will also stink that I have to stick with marching band.

Marching Band

This year I was begged to do marching band by the new band teacher. After a little while I told her yes. Two weeks ago I had to go to this thing called Music Week. It is a week dedicated to learning the music that we will be playing. I didn't really have that much fun and I wanted to quit even before the first day. I learned parts of the music and not the whole thing. I felt really stupid. Then, this week I had the marching camp part. I mostly get to stay inside but I really haven't been there that much cause I have other stuff like volleyball, the peer mentor party, and then tonight I got and EKG which made me an hour an 15 minutes late. Its really sad, though cause I absolutely love music and I love to play and I love to learn the actual music. I just hate the whole marching band experience. I don't really have any friends and I feel so alone. Especially when I can't learn something as fast. But its because i haven't had any music class at all since 8th grade. Oh, well. This is why I need to make the volleyball team. So, I have a reason to quit marching band.

Volleyball

So, again i could not do anything cause I had to get an EKG before I could get signed off by my doctor. There I was for the third day of try-outs sitting out on the side like a loser. Before the try-outs had started, though, I talked to the coach and the athletic trainer. The coach told me that since I was going to be going to the doctor tomorrow that I would be allowed to come back on Monday and Tuesday when the actual team is practicing and I could use those two days to count as my try-out since I wasn't able to this week. That is really nice of Coach Ball to let me have a chance. I hope that I make it, but I am scared I won't be good enough. It will also be more pressure I think cause I will be with the team. Some of them are returning members. YIKES!! I'm gonna do a lot of training this weekend!

A Quick Up-Date

So today was the second day of try-outs and again I did not have my physical form. I have got to be one of the biggest losers. I sat on the side of the gym again for the whole 2 hours. The whole time I felt so stupid. In my head I was just thinking about how I should have never tried out in the first place. I was thinking about how my life stinks and I never really get anything good. Or at least it feels that way. Then, I thought about a lesson that was taught in church about a month ago. The man who was teaching the lesson was saying something about how when bad things happen to them they always ask God why that was happening or they would say why me. I realized that I was saying exactly that. I was feeling exactly that. I thought of how bad my situation was and realized it could be a lot worse and I needed to stop being so selfish. Life is too short to let the little things pull you down. If I let the fact that I couldn't try-out hold me back from ever trying then there was no point to anything. Everybody has times when they are restricted to the side lines but they wait through it then get back out on the court and spike the volleyball. (Yes, I know that was very cheesy, you get the point.) That is my lesson learned for the day.

And in case you were wondering I made it past the first cut. Even though I didn't do anything.

Volleyball Try-outs This Week!!

This week we have volleyball try-outs at our school. I'm taking a chance and trying to try-out. Today was the first day. I couldn't do anything because I didn't have my physical forms. I watched everyone else try-out and I felt like such a loser. Luckily the coach told me that I could come back tomorrow. That is a big relief. I hope I make the team partly so I have a reason not to do marching band cause I really don't want to do it anymore. Its just not fun to me and I am so not a band geek. I don't really have that many friends in marching band and I feel all alone. I really hope I make the volleyball team just so i won't have to do marching band.

Looking Back and Looking Forward!

Last week I learned a lot about myself and some very special kids. Yes, I know that they're only a year younger but they seem so much younger when you're in charge. It helps when you have the blue shirt and they have the white ones. I had a lot of fun helping the kids find their way around the school and getting to know them. I think I had the best group! I didn't have a group in the afternoon so I didn't really have a second one to compare it to but everyone seemed not to like their morning group and I LOVED mine! I guess I just got lucky!
This week I am really busy! I have volleyball try-outs on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. On top of that I have band camp. My summer is so over! I do like having something to do I just wish I was getting paid, not in marching band, and try-outs were over so I wasn't so nervous. Never-the-less that is what it is and I'm excited to go try-out tomorrow just so I can know whether or not I made the team.